A Roommate Agreement may be able to prevent conflicts in the future and establish clear rules and methods for if a disagreement occurs. It is easiest to set guidelines while all parties are generally happy and not personally attached to a specific problem.

Baker Street recommends all tenants establish and sign a Roommate Agreement either before or immediately after moving in. Here is a helpful tool to determine what to include in a roommate agreement, and here is a roommate agreement template suggested by U of M.

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While Baker Street is always here to provide support, conflicts among tenants are ultimately the tenants’ responsibility to resolve. There will always be disagreements, but it is often best to prevent conflicts from escalating. Here are some tips to assist tenants with navigating a conflict:

Create a Plan. Think about how you feel about a problem first and what you wish to happen. Try to be calm and logical. Think about what objectives you have, but always be respectful and considerate of the other person in the process. Note which words to avoid and decide how you will react in a best-case or worst-case scenario. Be open-minded and be prepared to compromise or collaborate in order to seek the best outcome for everyone.

Avoid Attacking. No one likes to feel he/she is being attacked or ganged up on. Before approaching the other person, be aware of your surroundings and the environment around you. Consider talking with someone one-on-one as opposed to inviting multiple people to acompany you. This will avoid making the other person feel attacked and immediately on the defense. Pick a neutral place, so that both of you are comfortable talking. If possible, consider scheduling a time that works for both of you to have the conversation.

Be Empathetic. Think about how you would feel in the other person’s situation. Think about the other person’s intensions. Most of the time, people are not intensionally trying to be difficult or upset you. Try your best to understand the situation from the other person’s perspective and consider his/her feelings and goals in your discussion.

Prepare to Listen. A conversation involves two parties. Do not expect to be the only person to talk. The other person is going to have a side to tell, and you should allow him/her to do that. Be sure to give the other person enough time to share his/her perspective, and remember, if this was not a scheduled conversation, he/she will not be as prepared as you. If you allow the other person to speak fairly, he/she will be more likely to give you the same treatment.

Remain Calm. It is not productive to escalate your voice or be aggressive. People will be more likely to respond emotionally if feeling attacked or threatened. Staying calm is the best way to keep the conversation as rational as possible. Keep in mind, the other person may not react as calm as predicted, but try not to match that energy. It is harder for the other person to raise his/her voice at you if you are keeping calm. If you feel the conversation has reached a point where it can no longer be productive, it is best to walk away or pick another time to talk.

Self-Reflect. No one is perfect. Sometimes it is best to step away from the conversation or conclude without a resolution. Both of you may need to take some time to brainstorm the best solution. Collaboration is not always easy and may take multiple conversations to find the best outcome. Try to walk away from the encounter with some form of positive and agree on a good time to have another conversation if needed.

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If you are a student, the University of Michigan offers a great resource through the Office of Student Conflict Resolution (OSCR). They offer many tips, provide facilitators, and help you determine the best method to handle a conflict. The OSCR web site can be found here.

For some additional tips, the OSCR features two articles with great advice:

Four Things to Keep in Mind during a Disagreement

Tips and Tools for Constructive Conflict Resolution

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